Thursday, February 23, 2012

放手,重来???

要是你很努力了还是抓不到你想要的,放手吧!!

就从这句话开始说起吧 

昨天,是我们班跟我们最敬佩的教授相处的最后一天
她
要离开我们了
到一个更好的环境继续冲刺


临走时 
她 对我们说了很多话 
其中一句就是我以上列出的那一句 
不论在爱情,事业,还是学业上都管用
而对于我现在来说
我最该放手让它走的当然是爱情了


一转眼,一年了
真的准准一年了
我记得他所说的
当一段感情结束时,很快就接受下一段感情的女生,绝对不是个好女生
也许他只是随口说说而已,可是我还是记住了
那一年,算不算久了呢???
我应该可以重来了吧 ?


这一年里
并非没有人追求过我
并非没有人对我好
并非没有人疼我
可是
可是
我还是觉得太快了
所以
我都敷衍过了


现在
一年了
前几天阿姨发了一则讯息给我
不敢說下一個會更好,每一段必有他的好我們才會愛上,結束了也只提醒自己記得他的好也希望對方也是。
我明白阿姨要说什么
她是要我勇敢接受下一段感情
我想了想
我
真的
应该
重来
了

可是那心里还是一直有一个恶魔提醒着我
你确定吗
你敢吗
有很多时候
我真的会被他们的行为给打动
只要我一post在fb
我要吃某某食物,看某某电影,还是做一些不可能疯狂的事情
不管是什么时刻,他们都会把我要的东西办好
我是一个很容易感动的人
他们那样做
我很多时候都会~~~为什么???
有必要对我那么好吗
我,我,我
很内疚

他们很奇怪
为什么我时常突冷突热
他们觉得猜不透我在想什么
其实我可以告诉你们
我是不敢了
我不敢再接受任何人
尤其是很优秀的那种
我更害怕
突然变质的时候那种感觉更恐怖!!!!!

可是这几天
尤其是看了阿姨的那则讯息
我一直要自己勇敢起来
至少不要还没尝试就批自己失败吧 

今天
mr h来找我了,他明天还有考试叻 
可是他还是坚持要来,没办法
我约了mr k陪我一起去
至少我回家时有个伴 
我蛮紧张要看到他的
毕竟他从大老远来到这陌生地方只为了陪我吃饭
可是找到他不久
在点餐的时候,他告诉我那个他懂他过来找我
而且等下可能会跟我们一起吃饭
我直接
~~~~~
控制不到自己的呼吸
mr k一直看住我,示意要我冷静
我冷静不到
我心跳很快
我很怕!!!
我很想在他没到时赶快离开

怎知道
他步入了饭店
我看了他一眼
他很想惊讶的表情
我低头了
他离开了
就这样一声不向离开了
mr h说他好像很可怜
我去陪他
我还是低着头,点头点头
我的泪好像好奔流了
我好像很委屈
我又作错什么了吗
为什么被丢下的还是我???

mr k拉着我的手
走啦
我们去做你喜欢做的事
跟我一起深呼吸
呼 呼 呼
我忍住眼泪
不让它流


其实我有答应他们
我会努力放下
给我时间
可是
这并不代表我已经可以跟他好像普通朋友般相处了
我看到他
我就想到
当初那么好的他
突然
转变成我一点都不熟悉的恶魔
那种感觉好恐怖
我看到他
我就害怕
就对每个人都下了戒心,起了疑心
我很难逼自己对着他笑
很难
很难
这就是为什么我一直让自己对身边的追求者感觉自己很冷
我根本就不敢再让自己热起来

从高楼被丢下来
碰
分身碎骨的感觉理解吗
跌过了高楼
你还敢在高楼玩吗???



Tuesday, December 27, 2011

no value

I m such a bitch with zero value
Cry in my room for day and night
No meals no drink no bath
Nothing
Its like so dead
I dunno who can I refer to
I know my family knew that something is happening
My look is totally like a HANTU
I dun even dare to stand in front of my mirror 
My dai lou and father fall sick already but dai lou still concern about me
He keep on geh geh what listen what m I chatting with lano and joey
I cant tell them anything
I cant pretend I m nothing also
I just can help as much as I can in kopitiam 
Its sounds so FUNNY if I go and tell dai lou 
Hey that day I kissed with my EX and I dunno what can I do now coz I realized I m zero value
I feel myself so CHEAP 
Kor u understand my feelings a???
I cant do that right???

He apologized to me after I question him about that incidence
What it means ??
It means that he wont say or do anything if I never ask
U know what I feel?
IT IS SO SHITTY OKAY????
I m not yr girl anymore means I m nothing??no need to responsible??
I m a human and I got feelings one okay??
What am I to u??
A fish??A chick??or maybe a dog???BITCH....right???

没有猫是不吃鱼的
I wont be that sad if u never point this out
It shows I m worst than zero
NEGATIVE VALUE.......
很像我自己送上门的
how cheap m I in yr heart
how hurt m I when I think of that

真希望人的记忆可以想电脑,要删掉就删掉
we know each other for how long d??
I guess U shud noe that I have a good brain which can remember all the shittty stuffsss
I noe u hard to rmb things also
The shirt I gave you is on yr birthday not valentine present
Thats why U are lucky
I tell u what
Impossible for me to forgot that incidence and I still remember our FIRST KISS
I shall hate myself why I have such a WONDERFUL brain


Hey
It is not the first time babe
the shitty feelings shitty smell shitty thought but I still cant make myself OVER of you
the first time:I stay over at your place after break up,we were watching movie on your bed and u hugged meee,I feel warm but I found out what u wrote about me in your previous blog.........

second time:U hugged me when sleeping till morning and I ask u why,U say sleeping time mmg will hug thing one ma...oh fantastic huh,I m just a thing..oh yea...

third time :which happened few days ago,U pull me to U and we kiss together,what u say after that,没有猫是不吃鱼的,oh la la,this time I become a fish.......


how shit m I 
I BORN TO BE A BITCH
犯贱????
为了你变贱??
I m like a swing
u push me high then i fly high
u push with a little energy 
then I goes slow

oh damn my life
is going to destroy by the shitty feelings

oh damn my life
is going to stop all the stupid guys
guys only use their dick to think but not their brain


oh damn

OH DAMN
U LIAR
u said no love no sex
what I see is no sex no love
F*** u
 
WHY M I BU SE DE TO LEAVE A BIG BASTARD LIAR WITH NO BRAIN
BITCH









:'(